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Full time working mum

April 6, 2018

Even though I loved it I’m not sure I fully appreciated just how good I had it during maternity leave and I certainly had no inkling of what real life was going to be like when I went back to work!

To think that in May last year I was back to 24.58 for parkrun which was within a minute of my parkrun pb, trained for and ran a marathon (although it was disastrous on the day) as well as other races and was within 7 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight and now, at just turned 40, I am by a long way the heaviest (excluding pregnancy) and unfittest I have ever been in my life and it just keeps getting worse! I am still coming to terms with turning 40 and the state that I have let myself get into is not helping!

Of course I have my boy, a good job and a great house but my physical and mental health have been suffering with the effects of little exercise, work stress, commuting and too much comfort food.

I went back to school in August as Deputy Head, 4 days a week just for this school session and was travelling about 1.5hrs daily in the car which I hated but at least it was only four days a week. I still put on a lot of weight and exercised little during this time though. I found it hard to resist food at work, comfort ate on the way home and Neal was often buying treats for at night too.

Then on 20th Feb I began a temporary contract as Acting Head Teacher at a school in Dumbarton 5 days a week, adding more time onto my day with my travelling time now being on average 2 hours a day. And what a waste of time it is as I am neither getting work done nor being at home with Harrison. And I definitely don’t count it as ‘me’ time either as driving through rush hour traffic in Glasgow just sucks!

I now weigh 24 pounds more than I did in August and can’t run parkrun in under 30 mins! I fit next to no clothes and wear the same couple of things all the time.

I struggle to make time to run during the week as I am up really early anyway to minimise travelling time in the morning and get more time at work (plus Harrison would wake up too), I can’t run at lunchtime and I wouldn’t then run on my way home/when I get home as that is not fair on Harrison as I spend little enough time with him during the week as it is. Obviously I should go out after he is asleep and I will be trying to do that more now the clocks have gone forward and it feels a bit easier but once I’ve lain down with him to get him to sleep for an absolute minimum of 30-40mins and there is still tidying or school work to do or prep for getting ready for the next day I have had zero motivation for that. Plus I really can’t stay up late so have little evening as it is.

At weekends I feel too guilty to leave him other than parkrun when he is with us at the park anyway so end up doing nothing then either. Ironically the snow days saw my most running in ages as I was at home!

I gave up my gym membership in February as I wasn’t using it enough but I have weights in the house, I just never seem to get round to using them!

Working mum guilt, and more so the guilt if I do anything other than work, is a huge thing for me and it is eats away at me all the time.

I had planned to kick start things during this holiday but motivation has not been high with the weather and tiredness and now Harrison has caught chicken pox and although it’s not a really bad case so far he is clingy enough that I don’t want to leave him and I’ve already had some time at work away from him.

This sounds like a moany, sorry for myself blog but I would value any words of wisdom/inspiration/motivation (a kick up the a**!)/advice as I just feel really stuck in a bad cycle that I can’t get out of. I know as Harrison gets older it will get easier to fit things in, but I really want to be back to being healthier and fitter now!

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4 comments

  1. Hi Caroline. You don’t know me but I know John and Katrina. I’ve read your blog on and off for a few years. Your most recent post really struck a chord. Its so hard with working/family life/working mother guilt trips isn’t it. I massively related to your post. I have booked to run my first marathon this year and am finding it so hard to fit runs in and also hard to drop some of the excess weight. There are just not enough hours in the day. I’ve started running later in the evenings now that it is light but its just so hard. No answers for you but feel your pain – onwards and upwards.


    • Thank you! Good luck with your marathon training, hope it goes well now that the nights are lighter!


  2. Don’t feel guilty. Harrison will love you no matter what. I brought up my boy almost single handed and he was either with relatives ( early on) then nursery, then after school clubs. Passed from piller to post. I’d get home feed him then it was bed. Tbf I don’t start running till he was about 12. Wish I’d started earlier, I have inspired though I think. You heard his speech at the wedding, I think I did a not too bad job. Make time to yourself. You need it. Also, I’ve eaten your food, you guys can cook!! Get prepping. Take stuff with you to work instead of going for easy options. Neal is clearly doing a great job, he can help with all that. Harrison is a lucky boy to have you both as parents. Xx


    • Thank you Sandra! Always remember the bit in your blog post about doing the fling for the first time and your boy coming up from Edinburgh by public transport to surprise you, it was lovely!
      I’ve food prepped this afternoon for the next few days!



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